Matt's Blog

There’s an old saying of unknown origin that states, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I have something to say about that idea. The phrase is meant to convey the message that your good intentions are useless unless you act on them in a way that transforms your intentions into reality.   My first response to this phrase would be, “yeah, but so is the road to heaven.” The idea is that we are ultimately judged based mostly on our actions and not the condition of our heart. This is a terrible message and I say it is absolutely false.   Why is it that we don’t achieve everything we want? I mean we wake up every morning believing subconsciously that we will be able to achieve the things we want to that day or else we wouldn’t even try. Even if we have very little difficulty achieving our mundane daily goals we all know on some level that there are challenges in life that we could be faced with that would be impossible to overcome. But we just choose not to think about tho

When I was a kid my favorite thing to do was dream about the future. I loved it so much that I did it all day long. I didn’t love the present so much because I hated myself. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun as a kid. But no matter what I was doing there was always a little voice in my mind telling me that it wasn’t good enough, or I wasn’t good enough.   Some people might call this “low-self esteem,” but doing so would imply that I thought ill of myself. In fact, I wasn’t doing anything of the sort. A voice inside my head, but outside of myself was constantly trying to convince me that I was nothing. His voice closely resembled mine, but I knew it wasn’t me. My tormentor was just an excellent impersonator. The thing that wasn’t me. Before you start thinking that I’m a Schizo, just reflect for a second. Do you not have this voice? I hope you do, because that voice is commonly referred to as a conscience, and if you don’t have one, then there’s a good chance you

I can’t shake the feeling that life is just incredibly weird. The course that my life has taken has been completely unexpected.  Imagine that you have boarded an airplane bound for Salt Lake City to visit some loved ones, you are totally relaxed and just a little excited about the trip. As you daydream about the good times, you’ll have on this trip you drift off to sleep. When you wake up you realize that it’s time to get off the plane and you hastily grab your stuff and disembark. As your feet hit the tarmac you realize that something is very wrong. A very severe looking Asian man in a military uniform then says, “Welcome to North Korea. You’re under arrest.”  That about sums up the absolute shock and dread I feel every morning when I wake up and realize that I’m still mentally ill. I’ve spent about six years like this and quite frankly I’m a little tired of it.  Forgive me if I sound hyperbolic and sarcastic, but my life experiences have been nothing short of befuddling.